This Is The Year of Me

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Lindsay Rapp

Earlier in the year, I declared this to be my year of me. A year where promised myself to explore. To grow. Learn. Heal. Remain single and to reach new goals. Typically there is a negative connotation of the idea of someone admitting that they are actively choosing to be selfish but for me it was absolutely imperative that I implemented this into my life.

At the top of this year I was overweight (25 lbs), unemployed, had just left the city I called home for 7 years, my heart ached with pain, and literally I had no clue what was next for me. Until one day I woke up thinking,”I’m tired of this shit and something has to shake!”

I am a strong believer that God, The Most High, or whatever you personally refer to the homie upstairs as doesn’t only shell out miracles but in my heart of hearts, I feel that He gives us key opportunities to change the trajectory of our lives. The moment that I made the choice to listen to the little voice inside of me telling me to focus on my professional and personal growth but specifically to zone in on the things that would make me a happier me was the very moment that my life changed!

If you want me to keep it all the way 100 with you, I think that the immature parts of me feared having the opportunity to focus solely on myself. No boyfriend. No crappy job. Nothing was happening in my life to distract me from myself. You too have probably had to focus in on things about yourself, do some much needed fine tuning, and push yourself to get off your ass to make those first steps towards creating a better future. I have been able to love myself in new ways because I made it a priority to eat healthy and workout regularly as well. Your girl lost 27 lbs, waist got a little slimmer, hair got a little longer, and skin complexion got a little clearer. My glow-up situation has been a serious lituation! I worked on the outside and the inside! For me, when I look better I feel better overall.

Now with it being the 9th month of this journey, at times I didn’t know if I could keep with it but then something amazing would happen to let me know I am heading in the right direction! My life has flourished in 100 ways ten fold. I have painted heart stirring pieces of art. I have given my time to the youth of my community. I have danced a happy birthday dance to house music until my feet ached with my sister. I have walked along the calm summer waters of Lake Michigan contemplating about my future.

I have witnessed an abundance of Black love in it’s biggest, boldest, and most beautiful forms 2x this summer. I’ve worked and not worked then worked again. I have listened to the heavenly voice of a soprano with my eyes closed allowing the power of sound to penetrate my soul at Lyric Opera House.

I have cried out on Sunday mornings giving thanks to God for progression. I have heard Damian Marley speak the truth to me in his words while standing at his feet. I have stood in Jackson Square learning from and being inspired by a master of jazz folklore, Wayne Manns. I have heard Dick Gregory speak and shook his hand. I have had thought provoking conversations and tasted worldly cuisines.

Honey, I have lived and I have grown! There are days where I am so happy and filled with joy that tears literally come to my eyes. Those are the moments that I whisper my never ending thanks to God! I have learned to not sweat the small stuff and to never let anyone waste my time (that includes myself as well). So many amazing things have come to pass for me in such a short amount of time that I no longer focus on the insignificant mishaps of life. I look forward to what will happen soon because the possibilities are endless.

Have you ever had to say, “Hey wait a minute, let me recalibrate my life and focus on what makes me happy”? If so comment below.


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